If you were asked what parenting tip actually messes children up, what would be your answer? Most parents have often been misled by societal views of how to bring up morally upright children. Parenting kids should be consistency and rapidly dynamic as children keep developing. Most views are picked up from the changing trends in the society. The trends may affect how we parent our children but as parents, you should never lose focus in the wake of time.
What parenting tip actually messes children up that should be put in check?
Not setting parent-child boundaries
Children should have limits to what they do in their everyday life. Parents often think they are kids and so all the freedom is theirs. When parents do not set limits to how things are done, children are at risk of developing negative behaviours, defiance and temper tantrums. They tend to think they can get away with anything and everything. They know they are not to be questioned because they are kids.
Most believe in letting kids be kids.
The best choice is one of choosing the most suitable parenting style for your kids and not letting fear of prejudice overshadow it. Letting them make mistakes is part of learning; correct them with love. When they perform well, praise their accomplishments; it makes them feel courageous, capable and strong.
Expecting perfection
Parents are happy when their kids perform exceedingly well. As a parent, you expect your kid to be superhuman, leading to too much pressure on whatever the kid does. This makes children develop fear of failure. It is good to let children do things to their capabilities and not stretching their abilities to be more perfect than expected.
Overindulging them
Giving them too much, over nurturing, and practicing soft structure are some of the ways parents overindulge children. Parents should not do everything for their children, give them everything they want and even have laisez free parenting. Research shows that overindulging children causes lifelong problems.
Protecting them from their own emotions
Protecting kids from their own emotions with the precept that they will get hurt makes them vulnerable. The children become overly dependent on their parents for even simplest solutions to simplest problems.
Threats and bribes
Parents become dependent on bribe-threats parenting method to discipline their kids. It may seem an easier disciplinary solution and more efficient. However, it portrays that as a parent you have a weak authority over your kids. Bribing or threatening kids is an ineffective parenting method that causes confusion and laziness in children.
Rescuing them from mistakes
Teenagers need to learn to deal with consequences of their inadequacies. When they learn from their mistakes they help build resilience, confidence and gain more experience to handle situations. Help them face failures to reduce anxiety and depression in tough situations.
Fighting your child’s battles
When you keep defending your child you make them an easy target. As a parent you will not always be there to solve their problems in life and that’s a disaster in the making. The helicopter parent who is always fighting for their kid’s battle increase the adolescence anxiety and suicidal tendencies,
Negotiating
Everything is not about negotiation with your kids. It is a slippery slope that requires an interest based approach and reduced stresses. However it can drive one crazy when the kids compromise your parenting style. The kids may develop nagging and will want everything they would wish for, creating disputes in the home.
Dependence on technology
Like most parents do, I used to leave my baby watching cartoons in the name of babysitting. It actually worked. However, I realized it was my biggest undoing. As he grew up he accustomed to phones laptops and other digital devices. They distracted his learning and being responsible. Doing homework was war and he could hardly move a thing in the house. As parents, we might be spoilt for choices and think that we are offering the best to our kids, when we are actually leading them astray. Digital parenting should be a parent’s upfront tip to raise a responsible child.
Tips on disciplining instead of Punishing
- Some psychologists observe that punishment does not eliminate behaviour entirely, it merely suppresses. The unwanted behaviours are likely to be repeated. Punishment is effective when it is adapted to the individual in order to modify behaviour.
- Most parents believe in punishing or scolding a child when they act out, hit or throw things. Some children express their anger this way because they still have immature cognitive abilities to express their emotions.
- Harsh verbal discipline such as insult, yelling and scolding can also be harmful later on, increasing the risk of misbehavior at school, lying to parents, stealing and fighting others. It is important to encourage self-centered behavior. Verbal discipline teaches children to focus on the consequences they suffer, rather than on how their behavior affects someone else.
Why you should not punish your kid.
- Encourage resentment in kids. Punishment works shortly and the child is less likely to cooperate. The child loses connection with your authority as a parent and develops antisocial behavior.
- Severe punishment causes physical and psychological damage. Studies show that children who undergo physical abuse such as spanking are more likely to be hostile and aggressive in their social environments
- Punishment causes self-centred behavior because children tend to focus on the consequences they suffer as a result of the punishment administered. They do not develop emotional intelligence skills.
- Punishment encourages dishonesty to avoid the consequences. Psychologists state that the fear of punishment turns kids into pathological liars.
- Punishments prevent them from developing inner moral compass. Kids don’t just learn to do the right thing; rather they do what is mostly perceived as right type of behavior
Final thoughts
It is normal for parents to seek advice on how too parent their children. However creating a stable and consistent environment for your children will help them model positive behaviour, irrespective of the misleading quests for better parenting. Do not let parenting styles clash as they will confuse children.
Disappointments are a part of our lives. However rescuing our kids from early experience failure helps them in making tough decisions as they grow towards their future successes. Do not be afraid to take that bold step of firm parenting.